My Little Helper

Feb 28th...

This whole deployment has got me completely off my rocker, to be perfectly honest. There has been a lot of adjusting in a short amount of time and I know there is still more to come. I know it would be foolish of me to say I have tested to my limits already, I feel like I have...but I am less than a month in. I am positive more obstacles are on there way, coming to break me down, make me cry, rip me apart, God knows what else...but I am also positive that I will push through. We are going to keep it together, and carry on with what needs to be carried on and keep things in order for when Derrick comes home; it's funny because the reason I know that, the reason I;m not scared anymore, was my biggest concern before this whole adventure started. Cael. I was worried for him in every way you could think of. How could he go a year without his Daddy? What if I don't make a good mother AND father to him? What if he wants Derrick and nothing I do or say can come him down? What if I'm no good at splitting my time between him and his sister? A million other questions along with those, including the big one: How am I going to be able to handle him out in public and also juggle the baby?

As time as gone by these past 2+ weeks I have begun to realize that I was worrying for nothing. At least about the handling him in public part. He has been there for me when I needed him the most. When I cry, he hugs me. When he wakes up really early in the morning, he lets me sleep on the couch. And when we go grocery shopping and he can no longer fit in the cart because of all the food...he sits patiently on the diaper shelf while I decide which size sandwich baggies we should send to his dad.