June 10th...
OK, it's official now...I can't handle this! I need my husband back NOW. I turned around tonight and this monster of a spider was poised and ready halfway up my wall. Ready for what? I'm not exactly sure...find a nice hiding spot and have an ungodly amount of babies to run amok in my house *cringe*...or maybe find it's way to my bed and become of the 8 spiders I will supposedly swallow in my sleep during my life time (according to a snapple cap I have anyway.) Anyway, I stood frozen in my living room, trying not to cry and thinking of the easiest way to ensure a kill. Vacuum? No...I would have to look away to get it and it could use that opportunity to run and hide. Bug Killer? No...the spider is directly above it, I would have to reach over there giving it a perfect landing zone on my arm. All I have left is squishing it with a shoe. Lucky for me, I have big feet (never thought I would say that) and big feet means big shoes. It was pretty much a given that I would be able to do this. I just about dislocated my arm trying to reach 15 feet across my living room to grab my shoe, but somehow I got it and never took my eyes off the spider. I DID however turn my body and apparently that was enough to give it the confidence it needed for a mad dash! It tried walking sideways across the wall and couldn't so it fell to the floor. There it was, crouched behind the bug killer I had just bought at Lowes 2 or 3 hours before (ironic huh?) and all I had to do was drop my shoe on it? How hard is that? Apparently pretty hard because go figure...I missed! It took off. I don't blame it, really. I would have counted my lucky stars and got the hell out of there too! But it shouldn't have been in my house, as far as I am concerned, I have every right to kill it! (or try to) It stayed behind the bug killer a little longer and I reached over and opened the back door. I am hoping, hoping, HOPING that it went outside because I haven't seen it since. I walked around on my tippy toes for an entire day because I was so scared, but the bug spray is coming now! Then they will be sorry!
Derrick! You are totally getting your husbandly duties back the SECOND you walk through this door!
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